the hardest one to write...

The first post written seems to be the hardest one to write. This is because I need to start from scratch. So, here i go...I created this blog to vent. I need to start letting how I feel out instead of keeping it inside while trying to stay strong for the people around me. This blog isn't meant to offend anyone but to give my opinion on my life...

I have been trying to get pregnant for about 1 year and 6 months. In other words, forever. I can't even begin to explain how it feels to hope every month and be disappointed every month. The hardest part is that I have only had three periods this past year. I have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrom (PCOS) Which is a bunch of cysts on my ovaries. Obviously, this would make my getting pregnant extremly hard. I am not usually someone to complain on a regualr basis, but you know, I am sick of it. I just want this blog to be a place where I can feel sorry about myself with out feeling bad about it. I am upset, hurt, sad, angry, and many more and I don't want to feel guilty for it either. I hope that anyone reading isn't thinking to themself...get over it. Because if they are they just need to stop reading now.

I have one little girl already, who keeps me sane. I love her with all my heart and would not change her for the world! I love being a mom, as you can probably tell since I am trying to get pregnant. Don't think I am not happy with what I have because I am! I have an amazing husband who loves me even though I don't look the same as when he married me. He still thinks I am beautiful and I am thankful for that everyday! Is it so bad that I want to add to that? I don't think so...

All I want is to make my perfect family bigger. It's an amazing thing to grow another human being inside your belly. My daughter, Mak, is going to be the best older sister there ever was. I can't wait to see her with the next little one. We even have names... Jacob if it is a boy and Emily if it is a girl. You see, I was pregnant... but not anymore. So as excited as you can imagine we thought of a couple names. I will still get to use them.

I am a religious person, I have faith in my Heavenly Father. I have faith that everything will be ok one day...But this blog is about the right now. How I am feeling right now. It doesn't mean I have less faith, it means that I am being tested and with this blog everyone as well as myself will get to see how able I am to handle all of it. I love my family, faith, and friends.

Until next time I am Still Trying...